Local Poetry

Aunt Bessie  By Stephen Corless

MI 5 wus tekkin' on
They wanted women as agents
Top Man said, "They're better than men
An' of course they have more patience"

Aunt Bessie put up, shis gam for owt
Got shortlisted down t' last three
Went fer an interview in London an all
To find 'er suitability

Do you really love your country?
Asked a man wi a bullet proof vest
We need to know fore we take you on
So have arranged a bit of a test

There were three of um sat there, side by side
When a man come t' first one and said
Tek this 'ere gun into that there room
An shoot your 'usband down dead

Shi went in, silence fer quite some time
Then came out, put gun down an' left
Second one said, "I cawn't do it either"
Got 'er coat an' went 'ome all bereft

Our Bessie grabbed t'gun and strode in t' room
Shots rang out; Blam, Blam, Blam, - Blam, Blam, Blam.
Then there wus crashin' sounds comin' through t' wall
Had shi really put paid to 'er man ?

Shi emerged with a smile minutes later
On 'er brow wus a bit of a lob
"That gun yer gimmee fired blanks," shi said
Ah 'ad strangle 'im, 'ave Ah got job ?