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Started by: cindy (5916) 

>Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Ireland. He looks down and sees

>a farmer in the fields and shouts to him Where am I?

>The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts back. "You're in that basket
up there
Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense

>shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman
with her mouth closed
An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man asks What is
wrong??

>The boy says Me ma is dead.

>Oh bejaysus the man says Do you want me to call Father O' Riley for you?

>The boy replies No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the
moment.

>A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'Sorry
>about the wait.'
>I said 'Don't worry dear, you're bound to lose it eventually. '

>I came out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy
>peas & a jumbo sausage.
>A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.'
>I told him 'I wish I had your will power.'

Started: 14th Dec 2012 at 16:59

Posted by: dostaf (inactive)

The balloonist joke has been shortened, and cleaned up a bit.

Was realy doiing the rounds when Branson flew across the Atlantic in one.

Replied: 14th Dec 2012 at 17:02

Posted by: dostaf (inactive)

In 1987 Richard Branson and Per Lindstrand were the first to cross the Atlantic in a hot air balloon, rather than a helium/gas filled balloon. They flew a distance of 2,900 miles in a record breaking time of 33 hours. At the time, the envelope they used was the largest ever flown, at 2.3 million cubic feet of capacity. A year later, Per Lindstand set yet another record, this time for highest solo flight ever recorded in a hot air balloon - 65,000 feet!


And it were an owd un then!

Nowt wrong with repeats.

Replied: 14th Dec 2012 at 17:06

Posted by: cindy (5916) 

I should know dostaf.

Replied: 14th Dec 2012 at 17:08

Posted by: dostaf (inactive)



Keep 'em coming, Cindy.

Replied: 14th Dec 2012 at 17:11

Posted by: Mac (inactive)

Andrew and Evan save up their money and decide to travel in a hot air balloon around the world.

Several days into their trip Andrew says to Evan, "Aah, we're flying over France!"
"How do you know that?" asks Evan.
"Easy! You can see the Eiffel Tower from up here!"

It's a few days later and, again, Andrew says to Evan, "We're above America now!"
"How can you tell?" asks a puzzled Evan.
"Well if you look just there you can see the Statue of Liberty!"

On their last day Andrew looks over and says, "Today we're flying over Liverpool!"
Evan looks as hard as he can but can see nothing on the ground that sticks out. Confused, he asks Andrew, "How the heck can you know that?!"
Andrew replies, "Because SOME SWINE'S NICKED MY WATCH!"


did you know that Dostaf invented the phrase, 'Nowt wrong with repeats'.

Replied: 15th Dec 2012 at 10:47

Posted by: Mac (inactive)


Me and the Mrs. did one of them hot air balloon trips where you fly over your own house... when she she leaned over the edge for a better look I pushed her out. I could tell she wasn't happy. In fact, she hit the roof

Replied: 15th Dec 2012 at 10:48

Posted by: dostaf (inactive)

did you know that Dostaf invented the phrase, 'Nowt wrong with repeats'



And I've also ben known to paraphrase a quote about book shelves.

Some books, as with crappy owd jokes, are worth re reading.

Replied: 15th Dec 2012 at 15:51

Posted by: piccyme123 (1395)

good chukkle cindy, i especially like the one about the camera shutter speed

Replied: 16th Dec 2012 at 10:45

Posted by: billy (26053) 

i was docked in avonmouth on an old timber boat.
there was a commotion on the dock side....i went over and asked what s up?this guy dripping wet said one of the irish dockers had lost his mate over the side....after a couple more gallant souls had dived in looking fer his mate,it turned out he was reffering to the "meat" off his sadwich.

Replied: 28th Dec 2012 at 02:17

 

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