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A Yorkshire man

Started by: linma (2715)

A Leeds man walks into a London branch of his bank and ask them for a loan. He tells the officer he is going to Australia on business for 2 weeks and needs to borrow £5000. The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan so the Yorkshire man hands over the keys and documents of his new Ferrari which is parked on the street in front of the bank. He produces the log book and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collatoral for the loan.
The bank manager and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the rough-looking Yorkshire man for using a £120,000 Ferrari as collatoral against a £5000 loan. The manager then instructs an employee of the bank to drive the car into the banks underground car park where he parks it.
Two weeks later the man returns and repays the £5000, and the interest of £15.41. The bank officer says to the man "sir, we were very happy to have had your business, but we were a little puzzled. Whilst you were away we checked you out and further discovered that you are a multi-millionaire, why would you bother to borrow £5000"? The Yorkshire man replies "where else in London could I have parked my car for 2 weeks for only £15.41 and expect it to be there when I returned".

Started: 17th Mar 2011 at 15:47

Posted by: eddie7457 (1594) 

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 15:52

Posted by: steff63 (2239)

One evening a Husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife, 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in 'Slim Fast'. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded. The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this?' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out.

'April', he hollered into the bathroom, 'Why did you put Talcum Powder in my underwear?'

She replied with a snicker. 'It's not talcum powder; it's 'Miracle Grow'!!!!! !

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 16:30

Posted by: ecmdj (8186) 

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 16:53

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

Hymie Shufflebottom lived in New York in a similar joke.

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 18:56

Posted by: kenee (2103)


She replied with a snicker.

They should never have changed the name from 'Marathon'

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:07

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:14

Posted by: the_gwim_weaper (inactive)

Please, no E by gum jokes.

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:27

Posted by: xxstuartxx (5799)

Robert Mugabe's from Yorkshire. Wasn't he dostaf?

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:29
Last edited by xxstuartxx: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:30:51

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

Indeed he was, Stuart

Gerroff

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:33

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

Anyone doing the 'Eighteen carrot?' one?

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:34

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

Is it possible to type that one?

Expects the Coolie to put

that one

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:36
Last edited by dustaf: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:39:01

Posted by: the_gwim_weaper (inactive)

No...Nor am I doing the 'There's only two left' one.

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:37

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

You've got me there.

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:39

Posted by: the_gwim_weaper (inactive)

Two London businessmen were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, "I bet any minute now some thick tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious Yorkshire lad walked to the window, had a peek, and in a broad Yorkshire accent asked "What's tha sellin' ere lad?"
One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling a***-holes."
Without skipping a beat, the Yorkshire lad said, "Tha's doing well then
Only two left!"

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:49

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

Oh, that one.

I didn't know it was a Yorkshire joke.

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:52

Posted by: the_gwim_weaper (inactive)

They stole it

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:53

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

Would 'chomp' work?

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:55

Posted by: the_gwim_weaper (inactive)

Only on the side, and if it was short Hours.

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 19:56

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

I'll give it a go.

Preface

Yorkshiremon (or a Leyther) walks into jewelers shop and gawps at the assistant.

Can I help you sir?

Eh!

Can I help you sir?


Oh, chomp, I'm thinking, chomp, abeawt askin, chomp, yon wench who, chomp, I've been coo-ittin, chomp, with furt, chomp, marry me.

Ast getten, chomp, ony daysunt but chep, chomp, engagement rings?

Indeed we do have a good selection at reasonable prices, sir. Eighteen carat?


Nay lass, chomp, I'm chewing a caramel.

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 20:13
Last edited by dustaf: 17th Mar 2011 at 20:15:20

Posted by: the_gwim_weaper (inactive)

peter kay is looking more appealing by the second

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 20:16

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

Tadaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Werther's a will, there's a way

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 20:19

Posted by: the_gwim_weaper (inactive)

It couldn't have been a leyther, a leyther would have pronounced it, 'engagemunt'.

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 20:23

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

I had to edit to 'daysunt', before I posted it..

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 20:27

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

I could have googled and found a website.

The Photographer
A photographer up t'hi street advertised that he could retouch photographs.
So in walks this woman with a picture of 'er departed husband.
I'd like this 'eer photo retouched, and while yer at it remove his 'at. I nivver did like that 'at.
Aye said t'photographer chap. Now just before you go missus I must know which side he parted his hair.
E by gum lad, you must think I am reight daft, you'll find that out when you take his 'at off.

Replied: 17th Mar 2011 at 20:32

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

Evenin' Mache.

Replied: 29th Jun 2013 at 21:06

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

Replied: 29th Jun 2013 at 21:16

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

Nowt wrong with repeats.

Evenin' Mache.

Replied: 25th Aug 2013 at 18:21

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

Replied: 25th Aug 2013 at 18:22

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

Replied: 25th Aug 2013 at 18:24

Posted by: mache (inactive)

Replied: 11th Nov 2013 at 11:24

Posted by: joseph 1 (inactive)

Bloody hell!

Replied: 11th Nov 2013 at 11:50

Posted by: dustaf (inactive)

Replied: 11th Nov 2013 at 14:26

 

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