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Another 'bit iffy for some people' Joke !

Started by: tonker (22786) 

Teacher :- "Billy, if there are five birds perched on a fence and you shoot one, how many birds are left"?

Billy :- "None, Miss. Because the other four would fly away"!

Teacher :- "Actually, the answer is four. But I like your way of thinking, Billy"!

Billy :- "Can I ask you a question, Miss"?
"There are three women, each eating an ice-cream. One is licking it, one is biting it and one is sucking it. Which one is married"?

Teacher, rather nervously, replies :- "The one sucking"?

Billy says, : "Actually, the answer is 'the one wearing a wedding ring', but I like your way of thinking, Miss"!


Pickfords or Pickavances?

Started: 28th Nov 2020 at 19:15

Posted by: tomplum (6971) 

three pitmen sat on a wall, one was on day turn, one was on afternoon turn and one was on neet turn.
What day was it and what time,,???

answer , Monday, before 12 before pub opened,

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 20:26

Posted by: jo anne (33248) 

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 21:05

Posted by: tonker (22786) 

Another day on the construction site.
The labourers are busy labouring and the scaffolders are scaffolding for the roofers, who are roofing.
The bricklayers are busy bricklaying.
Joiners are getting on with joinering.
Plumbers are engaged in plumbing.
Plasterers are getting on with plastering and painters are painting.
Outside, the kerb-layers are kerb-laying, followed by the tarmaccers, tarmaccing.

Q: What are the electricians doing?






A: Sat down, having a cup of tea, reading the paper!

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 21:19

Posted by: jo anne (33248) 

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 21:23

Posted by: tonker (22786) 

Tom, I think I've got YOUR coat !

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 21:31

Posted by: chatty (7965) 

Back on topic with "another 'bit iffy for some people' Joke "!

A black guy walks into a pub with a parrot on his shoulder, the landlord says where did you get that from, the parrot says Africa there's f...... loads of em!

Pickfords AND Pickavances!

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 21:48

Posted by: tomplum (6971) 

tough crowd in tonight Tonker,
tell us a good un, what about the bloke with a parrot on his shoulder, you know, the coal miner who did't shower before he bought the parrot,
tell um that one,

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 21:49

Posted by: tomplum (6971) 

Sorry chatty, you posted that while i was typing but, I never mentioned anything about the afro/wiganer,

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 21:51

Posted by: tomplum (6971) 

wha about a poem ?

the boy stood on the burning deck,
eating red hot scollops
some fell down his trouser leg
and scalded his ankles,

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 21:55

Posted by: chatty (7965) 

Some good news to relate.
Did I ever mention I sent my daughter to a Swiss finishing school?
Anyway she wrote to me the other day telling me she has met a French count and they've fell in love and are getting married.
I'm a bit disappointed though......I've spent all that money on her education and her spelling is still atrocious.

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 22:13
Last edited by chatty: 28th Nov 2020 at 22:29:02

Posted by: tomplum (6971) 

and the bad news is,
there is Still only one, Monopolies commission

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 22:17

Posted by: riocaroni (46)

About 40yrs ago Wigan evening post gave a listing of horses running at Cheltenham and one of them was called Romany Count but the proof reader had not done his job properly?

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 22:25

Posted by: chatty (7965) 

When I was leaving school and went to see the careers officer I told him I was going to make my fortune stamp collecting.
He said forget it philately will get you nowhere.

I guarantee you haven't heard that one before.

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 22:26

Posted by: tomplum (6971) 

I went to the Doctor this week, he weighed me and said, You've put 10 pounds on Tom, I said, " I've had a lot on my plate just recently "

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 22:26

Posted by: tomplum (6971) 

anyroad, lets get back to the pickfords trail
the farmer

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 22:37

Posted by: peebee (513) 

https://youtu.be/KSRWtdyExto

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 23:15
Last edited by peebee: 28th Nov 2020 at 23:28:48

Posted by: chatty (7965) 

Jethro legend, plenty of his vids on You Tube these days.
Have a look for the mini bus one where the woman breaks wind, absolute classic.

Replied: 28th Nov 2020 at 23:42

Posted by: firefox (3239)

(Comment removed because it broke the rules)

Replied: 29th Nov 2020 at 06:38
Last edited by firefox: 29th Nov 2020 at 07:28:43

Posted by: gaffer (6576) 

Chatty’s link to Jethro.

Jethro

Replied: 29th Nov 2020 at 08:50

Posted by: tonker (22786) 

Pickford's or Pickavance's ?

Replied: 29th Nov 2020 at 11:32

Posted by: basil brush (15870)

osted by: firefox (2847)

(Comment removed because it broke the rules)

Not another one

Replied: 29th Nov 2020 at 11:50

Posted by: tonker (22786) 

I was talking to a Jehovah's Witness yesterday and I asked him, "why don't you believe in Halloween"?
He said, "we don't appreciate random people knocking on the door at all hours"!

Replied: 29th Nov 2020 at 12:18
Last edited by tonker: 29th Nov 2020 at 12:18:57

Posted by: tomplum (6971) 

My car was iced up this morning, I could't find my scraper so I used my store card to scrape the ice off, it only took 20% off,

Replied: 29th Nov 2020 at 13:23

Posted by: TerryW (6031)

Just had a very early carol singer at the door I think he had that attention deficit disorder, he was singing...

Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

Replied: 29th Nov 2020 at 16:02

Posted by: broady (16460) 

I just found out my Grandad is addicted to Viagra.
No one is taking it harder than my Grandma.

Replied: 29th Nov 2020 at 16:35

Posted by: firefox (3239)

What prize did the bodybuilder win when the lockdown was lifted

Atrophy

Replied: 29th Nov 2020 at 17:07

Posted by: tomplum (6971) 

As A one time bus conductor round greater Manchester, part of the job was to announce the towns as we would approach , My favorite part was to shout, "next stop Oldham." Then as we left the town centre I'd shout,,
" right let go now "

Replied: 29th Nov 2020 at 21:05

Posted by: tomplum (6971) 

woman banned from Asda as they appealed for people not to stockpile,
her trolley was piled high with, ice cream , tinned fruit and raspberry Sause,,
when challenged by staff, she said,

I'm shopping as I need to self isolate for a month of sundaes.

Replied: 29th Nov 2020 at 22:41

Posted by: broady (16460) 

So what if I can't spell Armageddon??

It's not the end of the world.

Replied: 29th Nov 2020 at 22:55

Posted by: broady (16460) 

Sneezed all over my toast.

Can't believe it snot butter.

Replied: 29th Nov 2020 at 22:56

Posted by: firefox (3239)

Hahaha.

Replied: 30th Nov 2020 at 06:24

Posted by: firefox (3239)

Replied: 30th Nov 2020 at 12:22

Posted by: firefox (3239)

Replied: 30th Nov 2020 at 12:38

 

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