Another 'bit iffy for some people' Joke !

Teacher :- "Billy, if there are five birds perched on a fence and you shoot one, how many birds are left"?

Billy :- "None, Miss. Because the other four would fly away"!

Teacher :- "Actually, the answer is four. But I like your way of thinking, Billy"!

Billy :- "Can I ask you a question, Miss"?
"There are three women, each eating an ice-cream. One is licking it, one is biting it and one is sucking it. Which one is married"?

Teacher, rather nervously, replies :- "The one sucking"?

Billy says, : "Actually, the answer is 'the one wearing a wedding ring', but I like your way of thinking, Miss"!


Pickfords or Pickavances?

three pitmen sat on a wall, one was on day turn, one was on afternoon turn and one was on neet turn.
What day was it and what time,,???

answer , Monday, before 12 before pub opened,

Another day on the construction site.
The labourers are busy labouring and the scaffolders are scaffolding for the roofers, who are roofing.
The bricklayers are busy bricklaying.
Joiners are getting on with joinering.
Plumbers are engaged in plumbing.
Plasterers are getting on with plastering and painters are painting.
Outside, the kerb-layers are kerb-laying, followed by the tarmaccers, tarmaccing.

Q: What are the electricians doing?






A: Sat down, having a cup of tea, reading the paper!

Tom, I think I've got YOUR coat !

Back on topic with "another 'bit iffy for some people' Joke "!

A black guy walks into a pub with a parrot on his shoulder, the landlord says where did you get that from, the parrot says Africa there's f...... loads of em!

Pickfords AND Pickavances!

tough crowd in tonight Tonker,
tell us a good un, what about the bloke with a parrot on his shoulder, you know, the coal miner who did't shower before he bought the parrot,
tell um that one,

Sorry chatty, you posted that while i was typing but, I never mentioned anything about the afro/wiganer,

wha about a poem ?

the boy stood on the burning deck,
eating red hot scollops
some fell down his trouser leg
and scalded his ankles,

Some good news to relate.
Did I ever mention I sent my daughter to a Swiss finishing school?
Anyway she wrote to me the other day telling me she has met a French count and they've fell in love and are getting married.
I'm a bit disappointed though......I've spent all that money on her education and her spelling is still atrocious.

and the bad news is,
there is Still only one, Monopolies commission

About 40yrs ago Wigan evening post gave a listing of horses running at Cheltenham and one of them was called Romany Count but the proof reader had not done his job properly?

When I was leaving school and went to see the careers officer I told him I was going to make my fortune stamp collecting.
He said forget it philately will get you nowhere.

I guarantee you haven't heard that one before.

I went to the Doctor this week, he weighed me and said, You've put 10 pounds on Tom, I said, " I've had a lot on my plate just recently "

anyroad, lets get back to the pickfords trail
the farmer

https://youtu.be/KSRWtdyExto

Jethro legend, plenty of his vids on You Tube these days.
Have a look for the mini bus one where the woman breaks wind, absolute classic.

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Chatty’s link to Jethro.

Jethro

Pickford's or Pickavance's ?

osted by: firefox (2847)

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Not another one

I was talking to a Jehovah's Witness yesterday and I asked him, "why don't you believe in Halloween"?
He said, "we don't appreciate random people knocking on the door at all hours"!

My car was iced up this morning, I could't find my scraper so I used my store card to scrape the ice off, it only took 20% off,

Just had a very early carol singer at the door I think he had that attention deficit disorder, he was singing...

Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

I just found out my Grandad is addicted to Viagra.
No one is taking it harder than my Grandma.

What prize did the bodybuilder win when the lockdown was lifted

Atrophy

As A one time bus conductor round greater Manchester, part of the job was to announce the towns as we would approach , My favorite part was to shout, "next stop Oldham." Then as we left the town centre I'd shout,,
" right let go now "

woman banned from Asda as they appealed for people not to stockpile,
her trolley was piled high with, ice cream , tinned fruit and raspberry Sause,,
when challenged by staff, she said,

I'm shopping as I need to self isolate for a month of sundaes.

So what if I can't spell Armageddon??

It's not the end of the world.

Sneezed all over my toast.

Can't believe it snot butter.

Hahaha.