Handbags   (The sad, the bad and the ugly. Non-productive stuff here.)

The guitarist passed out on stage, he must have rocked himself to sleep.

If you can't find anyone to sing with you have to duet yourself.

A dead writer of music is de-composing.

What do you mean you can't tuna fish? Just adjust its scales.

When a jazz musician's clothes are all worn out it's ragtime.

Sign on a music store window: 'Come in and pick out a drum -- then beat it!'

A music store was robbed. The thief made away with the lute.

She was given a violin lesson for free, with no strings attached.

Here at my estate on Monteverdi I attempted a Liszt of classical composers but had to go Bach because I couldn't get a Handel on it.

He tried to play the shoehorn but got only footnotes.

Those who hate classical music have my symphony.

If you break a string on your guitar don't Fret.

The consequence of playing drums often is re-percussions.

Did you hear about the vampire who used to torture his victims with music? His Bach was worse than his bite.

My favorite allergy song is Blowin' in the Wind by Peter Pollen Mary.

When a musician's toupee fell into his saxophone he blew his top.

The novel about a musician in treble was a real clef-hanger.