The Phone Book ....

I asked my daughter to give me the phone book.
She laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me her iphone.

Anyway, the spider is dead. But her iphone is broken and she is furious!

I once dumped a cross eyed girl.

Thought she was seeing someone else.

So Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase then he went 'T’PAU!' I said ‘Don’t you mean KAPOW?? He said No, I’ve got china in my hand.

One of the grandkids left a piece of plasticine on my chair. I didn't know what to make of it.

I was crossing the park, there was a spinning object in the sky, as it got nearer it got larger, I wondered what it was, then it hit me

Those are gud uns

in the western films, what car get mentioned the most ?,,,,,,


Audi

A man walked into a tattoo shop.

"Good afternoon sir, what can we do for you?"

"Well, I'm really passionate about my home town, and want something done on my knuckles, you know?"

"No problem sir, what did you want exactly?"

L-E-I-G-H. C_E on this hand, and N-T-U-R-I-O-N on this one."

I heard the Leyth police let somebody go.

A Wigan man walked into a tattoo shop.

"Good afternoon sir, what can we do for you?"

"Well, I'm really passionate about council, and want something done on my penis, you know?"

"No problem sir, what did you want exactly?"

"WELCOME TO THE METROPOLITAN BOROUGH OF WIGAN. HAVE A NICE DAY"

Matt Black




Colonel White

A white colonel

Last night, after accidentally eating a fly, in the vein of the nursery rhyme,

I ate a spider, a bird, a cat, a dog, a goat, a cow and a horse.

Or, as it's more commonly known, a kebab

Captain Scarlet


A scarlet captain

Spectrum is Green!

Spectrum is Green!

Get out of my taxi and walk (or words to that effect)

Did you know that the face and voice of Captain Scarlet were both based on Cary Grant. In fact, Captain Scarlet's voice artist, Francis Matthews was chosen to voice the character based on the fact he could do a Cary Grant impression, and Four out of the five angels appearances are based on real actresses.
Destiny Angel was based in appearance on actress Ursula Andress.
Melody Angel is thought to have been based in appearance on singer and actress Eartha Kitt.
Rhapsody Angel was based in appearance on model Jean Shrimpton.
Harmony Angel was based in appearance on actress Tsai Chin, most prolific in Hammer's Fu Manchu films.
Whilst the 5th Angel, Symphony, is rumored to look like the actress who voiced her, Janna Hill.

S.I.G.

I didn't but I knew Top Cat (renamed Boss Cat over here because Top Cat was a well known cat food) was based on The Phil Silvers show, Sergeant Bilko being the influence for Top Cat, Benny the Ball being voiced by the chap who played Private Duane Doberman in Bilko etc.

I did know about the Captain Scarlet but had to look it up to make sure. Wasn't a fan of Top Cat, loved Deputy Dawg , Huckleberry Hound and the main man Popeye.