Why is it that this message board appears to...

be the least popular???
And why did day tripping Wiganers get to Blackpool on a saloon or a chara - but never a coach.

question and answer in one i-spy,
not bad going.

or that rehab is for quitters!!

and if you hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon

A PENNY FOR SOME PEOPLES THOUGHTS IS STILL A FAIR PRICE.

i think am crackin up.


kinky is using a feather-perverted is using the whole chicken.

elmos. you are cracking up. but dont worry, it happened to me long ago on a chara to Blackpool

glad to know am not alone i-spy,cracking up is a serious

bussiness i don't think i go back as far as the chara's.

the best way i have found to forget your troubles is to

wear tight shoes or if you can't beat them av um beaten

when are they taking you away elmos. and let me know visiting times etc

any day now i-spy, but i expect you to be in the next bed.

what do a clitoris,an anniversary and a toilet have in common-
men always miss them

I saw a black rabbit in the fields when I was walking the dog today. Is that supposed to be lucky. Or am I due a trip to specsavers.

Their coming to take you away ah ah.

we'll save a bed for you scoop.

hope he doesn't snore

we could have a mixed ward just to drum up a bit more support for this poorly supported message board.

a sound idea i-spy,but i seem to have the same effect
on women.i tried to enroll in a all girls school once,
they turned me down said mt curly locks would put the
poor dears off their stroke.Perhaps we could start a
womens lib for the poor dears but from a mans perspective,
i know its been tried before but they made a b**lsof it.

thanks elmos

i-spy
i dont snore, but i do tend to move a lot in bed.

scoop - is this you

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.She puts on her dressing gown and goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He’s in deep thought, just staring at the wall.



She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers 'Why are you down here at this time of night ?'

He says, 'I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 15. Do you remember back then?' he says solemnly.
The wife is touched thinking that her husband is so caring, so sensitive.'Yes, I do' she replies.

The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily.
'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'
'Yes, I remember!' said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

He continues. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'

'I remember that too' she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says ...
'I would have been released today'.

i-spy
nay i married mine for love and i was 25.

I-SPY & ELMOS

You're too late, it's official, mixed wards have been done away with.

i-spy:
'why did day tripping Wiganers get to Blackpool on a saloon or a chara - but never a coach.'

When I was a kid they were always 'saloons'.
A coach was something pulled by horses.

well if they have done away with mixed wards i'm
not going,you can take a horse to water but you
can't make him pull a chara,

Pull a charra?! There's no way, not if it's the same horse who won't drink.
Which, unfortunately, leads to no horse spittle, let alone mixed wards.

But so long as we can still mix words here, I'll join in.

People who live in glass houses should lower their blinds is one of my particular mixed up favourites.

jo anne getting a bit clever about the horses i-spy,

i think she's to smart for this thread. i'll test her,

if your so clever why is phonetic not spelt the way

it sounds.

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
hpoe taht hleps.

thats good i-spy,av often wondered how you understand

my posts.** but have you ever wondered what the speed
lightning would be if it didn't zig zag.

zip zip probably

A test, Elmos. I don't like the sound of that.

But, I can attest that lightning bolts and a horse may, too.

that answer is to clever, we can't have clever answers
on here!! sorry you failed, remember a beer in the hand
is worth two in the fridge,

I don't drink beer, Elmos and I won't hop it.
Remember, if a horse drinks beer, it leads to horse hops spittle.

jo anne i made a mistake failing you because your
posts are making as much sense as mine lately,
this must be a worry for you!!abbreviation,this
word should be a bit shorter.

Thanks, Elmos. Now I feel smiles better.

(Abbreviation is not a particularly tall word, Elmos, no taller than A, in fact, but it has a viation in it, which gives rise to it seeming taller.

You're right - I am worrying.

are tall stories an affront to small people

No, not at all, I-spy.

Anyone can be taken aback by tall stories, though.

you are the font of all knowledge jo anne.
do you subscribe to my view that banana skins get a bad press.
I dont know anybody who has ever slipped on one.

A bad press, I-spy?

I think Comic Books have more of a Beano with banana skins than the Newspapers do. I don't subscribe to either.

Cartoonists would draw our attention to the brightness, rightness and ripeness of yellow banana skins. They are much more appeeling than other things a character might slip in, when slapstick humour is afoot.

i'v never seen a toad on a toadstool!!
what would you plant to get a seedless
watermellon?.you should be answering the
important questions.

The important questions?

'A race to become cybermen - is that driving too hard a bargain?'

Do you think, by being here, we've virtually answered it?

why does a woman answer a question with a question,
we are already on the cyber trail with implants!!
i hope a woman gets my brain,just to get my own back.
just remember clones are people two.

"why does a woman answer a question with a question"

because they are all budding politions

Yes, Mache - women are budding Politions - too polite not to seem interested in what bloomin' other people think.

Sorry, Mache.

oh-er! thought you were away

No, I'm back, Mache.

Clones are people two.

Do clones have identical identity crises, Elmos?

Clones can be people two,three,four or very many

If a clone is a number version, will this lessen the risk of identity crises?

No, I'm back, Mache.

No, I'm back, Mache.

do you hear voices too

It's the drone of the clones, Mache.

aye 6 of 11

this thread used to make more sense when we were
talking rubbish,-what was the best thing before
sliced bread?.

I don't know, Elmos.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

(Not knowing is driving me barmy.)

that's what you call food for thought Elmos
and while on the subject of grub is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny.

food for thought

You're right there, I-spy.

I looked online to find plenty of barmy ideas. People seem to to baking it up as they go along.

the best thing before sliced bread jo anne

was ladies that answered questians.

yes i-spy that is true about cannibals,i also know

what the act of complete faith between two male cannibals

is but i better not say.

ladies that answered questians

Is a better batch of questions kneaded for that to arise?

if you answered my questions i wudn't understand the answers,

i have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me

paranoid.

It is fair enough to be critical of cryptical comments, Elmos.

I won't nag you, so no need to be fearful.

And no need for paranoia on WW - you can trust us.

i wudn't know a crypticl comment if i fell over it,

my old pa told me never trust a lady who said she don't nag.

no wonder am paranoid,i used to be a schizophenic,

but we're ok now.

my old pa told me never trust a lady who said she don't nag.

Well, it's okay, then, Elmos.

I didn't say 'I don't nag', but 'I won't nag', so you can still trust me.

bl--dy heck i must be mad, ive read all this thread, and i thought i understood some of it.

glad they've let you out scoop. the treatment must have worked if you can understand what's going on here.

i scoop you been taking the tablets then,

save some for jo anne she says i can trust

her and she won't nag!!thats not natural for

a woman,it must be a cry for help.

Thank you, but I don't want to take medication.
I don't mind trying meditation, though.

meditation is worth thinking about jo anne,

anything that helps!!before drawing boards

were invented what did we go back to.

I don't know, Elmos, what did we go back to before drawing boards were invented?

slate and chalk

slate and chalk scoop good answer was on the tip of my tongue,

jo anne you will have to start standing on your own

two feet we can't keep answering your difficult questions.

I would say we could go back to basics and if you ask me where

that is i will just cry.

I wouldn't want to make anyone cry, Elmos, so I shall retire gracefully, just in case.

I couldnt find the drawing board and when I decided to get back to basics everybody said Id be better off going back to square one.
So I decided to stay put.

square 1 is a good place to start.

your right scoop, square 1 is the place to start
i realised this morning i'd never left sqare 1.

i'm reading a book about failures,if it dosn't
sell does that mean it's a success.

only if you read it.

now we are back on track and asking the important questions again Id like to know why sheep dont shrink in the rain.

i think you got this wrong i-spy,i know it's a matter

of opinion but it always seems a tight fit to me.

your just trying to pull the wool over our eyes.

Help how do i change my log in name please I m knew to this and all my mates know who i am thankyou to anyone.

click on your own name lilun,on the top left
you will see "amend my details". wellcome

Lilyun, you can delete your real name, as Elmos says, but you can't change your Username yourself.

I'm not sure if Brian can do this for you or not. Click on Contact Us at the bottom of this page if you'd like to send him a message.

Or, I think, you can simply re-register with a new Username.

Sorry, the above was posted by me, incognito.

you are not banned jo anne, just watch your step.

the above is the first answer we've had from you!!

is a fly without wings a walk

my grandson tells me they are still flies.It just means theyre grounded.

your grandsons answer is better than mine,
i was thinking "a walk".

times fun when your having flies.

does tomorrow ever come

i'll have to think about this i-spy

will tell you to-morrow

well its not come yet i spy will keep looking for it,

i think its just superstition!!!

and its bad luck to be superstitious.

i'll be keeping fingers crossed

Good luck, Elmos.

Remember, tomorrow is another day.

trust jo anne to confuse things,but jo anne may have stumbled onto something as women do.
i spy asks the question about tomorrow ever coming,
jo anne says its another day so that narrows it down a bit,
i would have cracked this if i hadn't had that last pint.
but jo anne has got us closer,i knew she would be of some use
given time

the tomorrow puzzle is bad enough but when's the day after tomorrow.

Don't , I-spy.

We'll be on a winning streak soon enough:

Today, succeeded yesterday. Tomorrow, succeeds today. The day after tomorrow, succeeds tomorrow.

Are you following me so far?

Although time waits for no man, woman, or even child, all is not lost.

We just have to have the presence of mind to take won day at a time. Then we can win the day, too.

I should never have stopped taking the medication.

Sorry, I-spy. I think I ought to stop my meditating.

so if i've read that right,according to jo anne

we succeeded,am going for a lie down now.

av heard that meditation is better than just

sitting around.

the day before yesterday I ordered a fridge and they said it would be delivered the day after tomorrow. Is that today

not turned up yet. must be tomorrow whenever that is.

your first mistake i-spy was ordering a fridge,
you should have ordered a calender!!i will send
you my psychiatrist as soon has he as sorted out
the goldfish.the fish is doing well he's got it
walking in a straight line now,you will notice the
psychiatrist is male i had a lady but never again
all she could do is ask questions.hope your fridge
is not out of date before you get it.

its arrived and the deliverymen said the reason it didnt come the day after tomorrow was that the van broke down.
In the words of the sainted Stu Francis 'I could crush a grape.'
what happened to him anyway.

poor old Stu. Nobody cares

whoever stu francis is he's a bad influence on you,
talking about crushing grapes!!,
i exterminate my cockroaches i don't smoke um.

I'll let you have my Crackerjack pen elmos (stu's picture is on it) but I need to find it first.I'll look tomorrow

ONE HUNDRED!

a happy birthday gwim on this special day.

Not my Birthday, But it IS a Happy Monday

Welcome gwim you're a member of the club now - there's no escape or answers here.

Blimey O'Reilly. I only popped on because I wanted the hundredth post.

so i was a bit premature with my best wishes gwim,

i thought you was after i-spy's crackerjack pen.

He offered me a cabbage instead.

Post Number 100 I thank you

did you set fire to it before taking the pic nicko. its an interesting hobby

or was elmos tied to it

The cry goes up, "Put it on the Barby".

burning at the stake is for witches'and one such witch came into sams bar last night i would have lit the fire myself.
you would think butter wudn't melt in her mouth but she is
the vilist person in this world.
glad ive got that of my chest,makes me shudder thinking of her,

a rant a day keeps the witches away

and while your feeling better I'd like to know why Liverpudlians are always 'made up' when they're happy.

i think everyone is made up when their happy

wish i could remember what happy was.

when setting fire to big nosed women I'll be bound.

yes now i remember gwim that was the time.

the last time i had sex,it was so good even the neighbours
had a cigarette.

glad you weren't on your own elmos.

it's that long ago i-spy,not sure i was there.

i do remember someone saying,"the ceiling needs painting".

I think I've heard the echo elmos

well i painted the ceiling,eight yrs later is
not that long a time!!the walls seem to be takin
on a colour of there own.
mind you i took an iq test-it came back negative.

This definitely worked for me today and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.
A doctor on TV said that the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before leaving home this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum scriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a choclets.

Yu haf no idr how bludy guod I feel rite now.

good on you kenee for bringing a bit of culture back to the

thread after i-spys overindulgencys,i will try to carry it

on.one thing i would like to know is "if you jog backwards

would you gain weight".

you would definitely get hit by a bus if they tried thst elmos.
but did you know that if you lived on Venus you would weigh less.
yet another startling, totally useless fact. Must get some sleeping pills instead of listening to odd people ont wireless in the night.

this thread is educational i-spy,all i knew about venus
was she had no arms,or was that cleopatra.
this lot should make you minister of education you could
take a backwater like for example whelley and drag them
into the 21st century.
it would take some doing but i think you would be up to
the job.

You'd weigh less on Venus 'cos you'd be burnt to a crisp.

burnt to a crisp on venus eh kenee, and i was told
she was armless.
itjust shows the best way to serve cabbage is to
someone else.

Depends if you like cabbage.

just off for a backwards jog.

just thought you space fans would like to
know that we are about to be hit by a lot of meteor showers.
I'm told these showers can be quite spectacular.
Also the the best way to view these events are reclining or laying on the ground so you can see the whole sky without neck strain.
Could be a long night.

to cold for lying garden i-spy,but i am a space fan,
am watching stephen hawkins on 4 talking about time travel.
god knows the answer you would think he would tell usafter all
he made the world, that was a job and a half but he's done
bugger all recently.

this posting is very popular, so it seems!

that clever Mr Hawkings worries me with talk of worm holes possibly being a way to go back in time cos
1. they're too tight for me to fit in and
2, it's easier just going to bygone times .

i bet we could both fit into one of them black holes i-spy,
stephen hawkins says if we circled a black hole a long time
we would hardly age.
i don't think he's as clever as he makes outbecause i have
been going around in circles all mi life and i'v aged like
buggery,anyway brocklanders says your post is popular so
what do you know.

brocklander is obviously a person of great taste - he's not a relative of yours is he elmos.

i bet brocklander posted on the wrong thread,
that will be his excuse anyway.
talking about excuses i asked a lady out last night
she said she can't,"she's teaching her ferret how to yodel"
was her excuse,i suppose it could be true.

Who’d be a ferret these days. It seems that they look even cuter when they’re dressed up in ferret clothes.
You can find sweaters, hats, jackets and t-shirts with comical phrases. Owners are advised that there’s no guarantee they will want to wear them.
But your lady friend could be on a winner elmos. Just think a Frank Ifield ferret singing 'she taught me how to yodel
I'd pay to see that.

you must have something against ferrets i-spy,
if the lady had a sweater made out of ferret skins
it would wipe out the ferret population cos she's
bigger than frank ifield.
ithink the reason she refused my date was shock,
i told her i would spend money.
am not bothered though,a man with worms is never alone.

talking of worms elmos
did you ever work out why the glow worm was so unhappy?
apparently she discovered her kids weren't very bright.

and have you ever thought what you'd get
if you cross a worm and an elephant?

Very big worm holes in the garden.

you seem to have developed a complex about worms!!
worm holes,elephant holes, my worms, if their happy
leave them alone.
don't forget the early worm gets caught by the bird.
i don't want you to suffer from insanity i-spy,
enjoy it as i do.

have moth balls been moth balled.
I cant find any anywhere.And the moth wont come out the wardrobe.

i-spy you can ball moths as much as you like now,they love um,
they eat nothing else.
how does he know all this i hear you ask,well i'v always
thought i was a moth!!i went to the doctors about it,he asked questions about me shinnin up lamp posts to get to the lights,
standing on the table circling the bulb with my head.
he said i should see the psychiatrist,i told him thats were i was going but i got to the doctors office and saw his light on. do you know some people call moths,"ugly butterflies"

for some reason that reminds me of the bloke who turned up to see a psychiatrist wearing underpants made of clingfilm.
the doc told him 'I can clearly see your nuts.'

its clear your not a nature lover i-spy,i bet your a man
who thinks "the best way to keep the wolf from the door"
is to leave a sheep in the garden.

the kids got quite emotional when I said I now believe in re-incarnation and that Ive changed my will to leave everything to miself.

good forward thinking i-spy,but i don't trust them lawyers!!
so am tekin it wi me.
my life needs a new direction so am gettin married or buying
a dishwasher,sick of doing it by hand.

elmos you can get a dishwasher for £200 ,a wife is less use ,and costs far more!

can see you done the maths micky so i will have
to think again,anyway have heard that marraige
is one of the main causes of divorce.

me and the wife split up before the wedding pics were developed and the photographer had a polaroid camera

bet there was no film in the camera i-spy!!but you know
the old saying,"if at first you don't succeed,then
skydiving probably isn't for you".

is it true that if you dont pay your exorcist you get re-possessed

i-spy i will keep going to night-school till am clever
enough to answer one of your questions,i think your motto
is."if you can't dazzle um with brilliance,riddle um
with bullets".

there was a song once about more questions than answers and he was dead right. I dont even know who sang it - any ideas?

i think johny cash sang it,the night-school must be
working!!i'm a vegetarian, not because i love animals,
but because i hate plants.

Jimmy Cliff

thanks kenee,back to night-school for me.

i was nearly right,johnny nash recorded the song!!!
must have skipped to many nights.
if the voises in my head paid rent i would be rich.

who's Jimmy Cliff - cant remember his greatest hits

Jimmy Cliff singles:
"Wonderful World, Beautiful People" - 1969
"Come Into My Life "Viet Nam" - 1970
"Wild World" - 1970
"I Can See Clearly Now"
You can get it if you really want
The Harder They Come.


I could have sworn he did More Questions than Answers

Kenee, I remember one of the songs.
Apparently Jimmy was married to Lorraine and had a bit on the side called Deirdre.
Eventually he pushed his Missus to her death off a cliff thus inspiring his hit single.
"I can see Deirdre now Lorraine has gone."

I thought it was 'Cleary'

They say the old ones are the best

I only heard it last week

dyslexia must be a worry i-spy,always remember-you're unique,
just like everyone else.i would like to say to some doubters
i love cats-they taste just like chicken.

a mate of mine saw a chicken cross the road today.
he said it was poultry in motion.

Not 'Cleary', I meant 'Clara' !

It's been posted on here a couple of times - with different names, Lorraine is consistent though.

i seem to have lost something,i think about 6 yrs""
been told the remedy is,"eat a toad in the morning,
nothing worse can happen to you all day".

not til the toad stools arrive elmos

Do you mean to say that the unpleasantness can mushroom, I-spy?

i wonder if toads have stools if they have would they
be four legged, three legged,or cross legged.
we will have to find answers.

the answere is blowing in the wind.

scoop,am sure have heard that before!!
but i didn't believe in reincarnation in the last life,
why should i in this.

elmos
last life and this life= 2 lives must be something in this reincarnation

if I get to come back I hope it's as a woman instead of a bloke. They have a cushy life and its safe to say it cos they dont read this thread- apart from jo anne of course.

not that safe now Jo has pointed us in the direction of you comment icepie

Cheeky beggar! lol

i should have known you would get us into trouble i-spy.

honesty is the best policy,but insanity is the best defence.

this is worse than Wikileaks - jo anne's shopped us (wonder what she'll come back as).

worse than Wikileaks

Oh no, I-Spy.

It was never my intention to shop this thread, but to sell it.

I hoped the Women's-link would serve to increase the sails of the readership here.

And, when I next come back, I just want to be ... forgiven.

how did you get away with that i-spy,you must have a
siver tongue. i just get ignored.

i once told a lady i would go to the end of the world
and back for her.
she said,you don't have to come back.

3 Hail Marys,a tub of black peas (with vinegar of course) for me,and a couple of fat juicy toads for elmos and it will never mentioned again jo anne.

Sorry, Elmos. I wasn't ignoring you. I hope you are well.

There's plenty of people with a frog in their throat at this time of year. That's bad enough, but *PLEASE DON'T EAT ANY MORE TOADS* - some can make you croak.

didn't mean you jo anne with the ignoring bit ,just feeling sorry for myself again!!as for the toads i,once kissed a girl
and she turned into a toad so if i see a toad i kiss it trying
to find her again she must know all the hiding places.
people think i'm trying to swallow the toads shows how good i am in that department.if things are not going my way,
am going down a one way street again

Gribbit time and you might find her, Elmos.

If things are not going my way, am going down a one way street again.

I agree, sometimes it's easier to go with the flow.

jo anne
is that andy capps flow?.

Flo?

I don't think so, Scoop.

has flo been cloned. I saw six of her in Morrisons this morning.

not six of her i-spy,i wudn't mind but i don't even like flo,
if there's one thing i can't stand,its intolerance.

back to the questions..
why are wildcat strikes called wildcat strikes.
why not maddog strikes or angry mole strikes/.

i'll say this for you i-spy,you ask good questions.

all i know is when a man talks dirty to a woman, its

called sexual harassment.when a woman talks dirty to a

man it costs £1 50 a minute.

you could have found the answer for poor old cash starved Wigan council.
they could use their staff to set up their own talk dirty lines and at that price they won't need to make any more cuts.
well done elmos. Ever thought to moving into politics.

i don't think i would make a good politicion i-spy,
every time i make a political point i get jumped on,
its either a raving red or a moron.
i'm finding if you think your being ignored its
its because you are being ignored.

Im no fan of politics either elmos but I do like the jokes.Like this one.
President Clinton wakes up to a beautiful winter morning. The sun is shining, the air is crisp, and there is a light blanket of snow on the ground. He stretches and goes to look out the window at the snow-covered WhiteHouse lawn and sees the words "President Clinton is a w*n*er" written in pee in the snow.

Clinton gets upset and calls White House Security. He tells them he doesn't care what it takes but he wants to know who did this. The Chief of Security returns in a couple of days to the President and tells him that he has good news, bad news, and real bad news.

"OK," says Clinton, "give me the good news first, then the bad news, and then the real bad news."

The Chief says: "The good news is after taking analysis of the pee, we know who the culprit is." Clinton nods and the Chief continues: "The bad news is the culprit is Vice President Gore." This really upsets the President, but he controls his anger and asks the Chief to tell him the real bad news.

The Chief of Security swallows and says, "It's in Hilary's hand writing".

i liked that one i-spy,my old dad told me never eat
yellow snow.
al gore and bill clinton were discussing premarital sex,
gore said to clinton."i never slept with my wife before we
we were married.did you?" i dunno,said clinton.
"what was her maiden name?".

elmos

was it clothes horse.

well scoop, thinking of clinton it could have been"goblin".

they asked bill clinton about"new yrs resolutions",
he said well am not splashing out on any more dresses.

during my recent period of contemplation I suddenly realised that every calendar's days are numbered.
Does it mean my time's up.Or should I just keep taking the medicine

medicine i'd stick to that

kopitesere
just keep taking the pill.

where's milestone man Gwim

How many people in denial does it take to change a lightbulb?

What lightbulb? There's no lightbulb.

I knew you wouldnt let us down

gwim is to fast for us i-spy,but before criticizing
someone we should walk a mile in their shoes,
then when we do criticize them we'll be mile away
and we'll still have their shoes.

well i didn't pinch it,last time i saw the road
it was going up whelley way, without passport to.
I you can't laugh at yourself,make fun of other
people.

how can you pinch a road to nowhere, i ask myself or was it just a mirage.

From nowhere, you might suddenly find you're now here.

but the road has been stolen,so it could be anywhere,

spike milligan once said,well he may have said it twice!!

anyway he said,"everybody has to be somewhere"

if the road's been nicked shouldnt it be 'no one's going anywhere' until the cops have completed their enquiries. And if it was a long and winding road we could all be stuck here forever.

just watched a film that a guy drives through a barrier, and finds that we are just a lot of electrical impulses that someone has programmed. and we are just one of thousands of worlds.phew i wondered why i keep forgetting things and thinking i have been here before.

problem solved i-spy,looks like scoop found the missing road.
Wish i could find whoever programmed my impulses,nearly all
negatives,just one positive.Not sure which one is the positive, am still checking.

the doc told me all my problems were caused by invisible people.
he said all I had to do was find them and kill them and my problems would be over.

my impulse is to forget i watched the film, and carry on thinking i control my own life [if my wife lets me].

Apparently Gary Glitter is trying to get a season ticket at Aston Villa. He has heard that the strikers are young, bent and maybe keane.

i may be one of the people giving you problems i-spy,
because everyone i meet says they can see straight
through me.never hit a with glasses-use your fists.

I've been giggling all day over a really pathetic joke about a Dutch woman who has inflatable shoes.
Unfortunately she's popped her clogs.
Is that funny or is it just me.

I spy

It's just you. Only joking.

I heard a sad tale about an inflatable schoolboy who took a pin to his inflatable school to show his inflatable schoolmates. His inflatable Teacher let out a gasp and sent him to the inflatable headmaster who said, "I'm very disappointed in you son. You've let yourself down, you've let me down and you've let the whole school down!"

you two got away with them jokes so i will try my luck,

a man bought a parrot but got annoyed cos it kept swearing,so
he put it in the freezer as punishment.after an hr the parrot
begged to be let out promising never to swear again,it said i've learned my lesson.Gust tell me one thing:what the hell
did that turkey say

dont know-alls get on your nerves.This one was telling everybody that nothing is impossible.
I asked him if he'd ever tried to slam a revolving door.
That shut him up.

he can't get round that i-spy,have you seen the news!!
"corduroy pillows" thats whats making the headlines.

I think raw sewage is disgusting.

I always grill mine.

i can see you eat at a market hall cafe gwim
but why did god give men nipples?.

good question elmos. I can only think god felt that man boobs (which tend to be as big as the ladies these days) would look a bit odd without them.

just looked in the mirror i-spy,your right about the boobs
but we get beat on shape.

i'v heard sex is like a game of bridge-you don't need a
pertner if you have a good hand.

Well i-spy, considering you said this is the least popular side of WW you didn't do so bad with your post. . lol

Dunno, Elmos. But one of my nipples is a different colour from the other two. Is this normal?

that sounds pretty normal for you gwim,as long as there all
black.We have to take what we are dealt with,i know gods
clever but between me and you i don't think his eyes are to
good looking at the mess he made of me.

lol. Yep, black as coal they are, well, the ones on the front anyway.

"Now pay attention, 007; this looks like an ordinary suitcase but, if you push this button, a handle comes out and you can wheel it."

you must be a mind reader gwim,got one of those
cases yesterday!! to-day there half-priced.
he who laughs last-thinks slowist.

you could get your money back elmos and use it to buy two so you'll have more wheels than gwim

if i did gwim would only get more wheels,can't beet gwim.

she was only a moonshiner,but i love her still.

elmos she's only after your money. make your own booze.
WATERMELON-PEACH MOONSHINE BRANDY (5 gallons)

1 1/4 large watermelon
10 peaches
1 1/4 cup chopped golden raisins
15 limes (juice only)
25 cups sugar
water to make 5 gallon
wine or distillers yeast

Extract the juice from watermelon and peaches, saving pulp. Boil pulp in five quarts of water for 1/2 hour then strain and add water to extracted juice. Allow to cool to lukewarm then add water to make five gallons total and all other ingredients except yeast to primary fermentation vessel. Cover well with cloth and add yeast after 24 hours. Stir daily for 1 week and strain off raisins. Fit fermentation trap, and set aside for 4 weeks.

You can drink it or run your car on it.

if i make that concoction i-spy i would be the first
man on mars i think,i once made my own bitter but it
was always cloudy!!i still had a pint before i went
to the pub.
i had the talkers on after a pint,i was after fighting
after another pint,so after a few black eyes i saw the
light and brewed no more.

thats the most sense you've made in years elmos
and this could be the end of me. I think my dongle's dying.

i would go and see a doctor if i've started making sense,
it may be catching i-spy.
my dongle died once,it got the kiss off life but it was a false dawn. i still miss my ex,but my aim is getting better.

elmos,

Love your jokes.

Have passed them on to my mates...hope you don't mind...

Keep 'em commin'

By the way,

It's not that 'Least popular' with almost 3000 hits and 240 replies.

Well done, i-spy.

thats nice of you fred,you must like the old ones,
will tell i spy when he wakes up!!he hibernates.
if you want a taste of politics bite cameron and clegg

glad you mentioned hibernating elmos. I will have to get some more glow in the dark stickers for when timmy wakes up. he'll be full of energy.

will get some of those glow stickers for when i go to lav
in the middle of the night,have tried a pin but keep
missing. Of all the things i've lost, i miss my
mind the most.

that reminds me of a very old rude joke involving two old dears chatting in the nursing home.
one said "do you rememeber the minuet, Nellie"

"Hell " said the other. "I can't even remember the ones I slept with."

shows what i know,i thought a minuet was a dance!!
anyway a good cowgirl keeps her calves together.

I put a comment about joseph1's posting on the KINDLE thread. I thought I might get some stick about it but it seems to have gone unnoticed.

here i go again,i thought kindle was a piece of firewood.
but then again maybe they should be burned,my mind is like
a steeltrap-rusty and illegal in most country's.

Have you got it elmos?
It struck me as hilarious, not intentionally, on josephs part but by changing one letter in the word 'books'.
I guess it's just the way my mind works.




joseph1:
""I like the smell and feel of real books, plus they look nicer stacked together much better than a lump of plastic. Just my opinion.""


I agree - just one letter wrong:
it should be a b, not a k.

i got it kenee joseph1 will have you for that boob,
at first i was as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

a warning to all you good WW folk.
whoever said 'its like riding a bike - you never forget' is a stinking liar.
I got on one today for the first time in 20 years and fell off.
The kid who let me have a ride thought it was hilarious, the little ******.

i-spy
i bet it hurt, your pride i mean.

it did hurt scoop but not as much as being kicked off the quiz team.
The other day we lost by one point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair?
I got it wrong -apparently, it's Africa.

you was hard done by i-spy your answer was right,you
know its not whether you win or lose but where you
place the blame.
and if you think nobody cares for you,try missing a
few mortgage payments

I felt like opening a can of worms today but didnt know where to buy one.

you won't find any i-spy,you open a few cans
on here every day. worms are now extinct.
i finely found out what a cobra was-its a bra for
siamese twins.

does it not matter where they are joined, could be a different set up.

your just trying to complicate things scoop,you must
know am having a bad day all round.
well did you hear about the canibal who had a wife
and ate kids.

I dont know what the world's coming too, I see there's a new crisis in the Middle East. Dubai Television was
refused permission to show 'The Flintstones'. A spokesman for the channel said a claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour,
But I know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do.

i think your jumping the gun there i-spy, i understand
but i think some in abu dhabi don't.
you have to wonder what the world is coming to,an old
testament prostitute was arrested for trying to make a
prophet.

Im turning into a psychic (available most evenings).

I saw this AA man sitting in his van crying his eyes out.
I didnt need to ask him what was wrong.
I just thought 'there's a man heading for a breakdown.'

I hope he was soon on the road to recovery.

if not he could have a screw loose

if your psychic i-spy you'll know what jo anne's
remus threads all about,i know of course but i
don't want to show them all up.
I do know why women don't blink during foreplay-
their isn't time.

elmos.Ive been studying facts, figures and statistics lately and its very interesting.
For instance jo anne is obviously a lot smarter than your average lady.
and did you also know that statistically six out of seven dwarfs are not happy.

but i think i could be the one, happy i mean.

h i c a n


v o l e


Clue: The two puzzles above are on similar lines.
Please post your answers here.

hi-jacked

jo anne's had to come where brains are i-spy,
ignore her till she puts a hard one on.

i hope you mean a tin hat.

There hasn't been that much flak, Scoop.

And Elmos (if you're not still ignoring me) I think those two puzzles were too difficult.
Or people got bored of playing that messageboard game.

If anyone had posted the corresponding answers to the puzzles, they would have been, as you already know~

h i c a n = chain letters

v o l e = love letters

Sorry for the hi-jack, I-spy.

shows how good i am jo anne,i didn't get the question!!
i got love chain.
but i was good at golf,i broke 70,thats a lot of clubs.

I prefer spending my time on other links, Elmos.

love chain was a decent attempt at an answer.

(I've thought on that h i c a n could have been chain mail.)

I enjoyed the quote garden jo anne but still couldnt find out what my dear old grandma meant when she warned me against being led up the garden path.

was it because of all those naughty girls behind the shed.

i'v come to agree with mark twain about golf'
a good walk spoiled,thats only cos i can' play!
u led enough folk up the garden path on ww i-spy,
am trying to figure out where scoops naughty girls
behind the bike shed come in.
by the time i figure it out with my luck they'll
have gone.

there were no bike sheds at my school -scoop must have got lucky.

we must have been lucky we had a shed, but that was
the school .have just been told why women don't
don't look out the window in the morning-so they will
have something to do in the afternoon.

30 MINUTES AGO DEN CAME TO GET ME IN THE SHOWER BUT I WAS LAUGHING SO MUCH HE LEFT ME TO READ TO THE LAST POST. IT NEARLY WAS THE `LAST POST` FOR ME AS I HAD A HORRENDOUS SPASM AND ALMOST FELL OUT MY WHEELCHAIR.
YOU PEOPLE ARE A TONIC.YOU SHOULD BE ON THE TELLY, I LOVED IT. LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE SO I MAY NOT NEED MY AMITRIPTYLENE TONIGHT. HOPING FOR MORE OF THIS.
THANKYOU.

elmos is probably responsible for a lot of spasms but Im sure he never meant to separate you and your chair.
and talking of medicine, remember
Confusius says
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
Be happy

elmos

How dare you.

me out for a quiet pint and being accused of causing spasms,
not caused any spasms since the doctor told me i can't
risk any excitement.
don't believe i-spy mswigan he's a trouble maker,
he told me that panties not best thing on earth.
but next to it.

congratulations elmos. you have made WW history. this thread now carries a health warning.

i blame our friend chrisenden from doncaster,
a woman driver you see!!reading, showering in
charge of a wheel-chair.
we come down hard on that sort of driving in
lancashire,think we are safe over here she'll
never get a visa to cross the border.
why do elephants drink to much-to forget.

if you were called Nellie you'd want to forget as well elmos.

i-spy

my mother is named nellie,just you wait till i tell her,you will be in trouble.

I'll be packing my trunk then scoop

ps could you ask your mother what NOT ON YOUR NELLIE means.
I've always wondered.

well done i-spy you upset all the nellies of the world,
my auntie nellie not be pleased when i tell her about it.
your hitting out like a man with no arms,but tell me if a
man with no arms has a gun is he armed?.

i-spy

it means "not on your life"
derives from cockney slang "nelly duff" a made up name.
after calling all those nellies i bet your life could be in danger.

maybe we should start a bring back Nellie name campaign.
its not been in the top 20 name list for 40 years.
Same as Fred, Bert. Florrie, Doris and Agnes.

u upset our nellie again i-spy,she says you can't
bring her back till she snuffed it.
she wants to know why are a wise man and a wise guy opposities?.

your nellie is obviously a deep thinker elmos. could you ask her if she knows a cure for my kleptomania.
All the doctor tells me to do is take something for it.

our nellie has a cure for your kleptomania,(had to copy that)
you won't like it,it involves an axe.
old fashioned is our nellie!!

a weird thing happened after a night out with a lady,
i said good night,all she said was"and your feet are so big".
am still trying to figure out what she meant.