Sex and the senior citizen.

the NHS have funded a leaflet telling pensioners how to have better sex.
it says "sex is a great stress reliever, induces sleep and is fun."
I told my uncle jack who is 73.
He said a bottle of scotch has the same effect.

you know if they havent figured it out by pension age I dont think theres a lot going for em

another good example of wasting money

Reminds me of why SAGA chose the company name.
Sex annually, generally August.

id sooner have whiskey

I spy, I am with your uncle jack on that.

i am a pensioner i think we have forgoten more than they will ever know we dont need anyone to tell us how great sex can be thank you very mutch bet they are some jump up kids who thought that one up(and we do have are memorys)

I'm a pensioner and think oral sex is ok. I can talk about it all night without getting out of breath.

There's no age limmit is there? I'm just starting to get the hang of it!

So we heard. (Read...

copperhead I love it speaking about what you said of course

Laughing my head off at sydneylass

As for me, the spirits willing, but the flesh is struggling to come up wi any thing worth while, in the words of the great Jimmy McGurrin, what used to be my sex appeal is now my water spout, albeit in a very lack lustre sort of way, but ahl still give it a go,? any offers!!

I intend to die when I am 99 years of age.
The cause of death being "Shot by a jealous husband"

By the way - I am a firm believer in -
"Sex is O.K. - but you can't beat the real thing"

God bless yer cotton socks Aitch

Copperhead's post reminds me of the story of the mother who took her young teenager to the doctor and while he was examining the girl he said,"Big breaths",and the girl replied,"Yith,and I'm only thirteen" Yes,I know it's old and corny but I think it goes with the territory.
In the aforementioned leaflet,are they asking for feedback? But I must agree it is a stress reliever,although most of my stress came when I was younger,with the results of my activity.
It's alright sending out these leaflets with their suggestions but it would make more sense if they put ED medication on the free or subsidise prescription list for the more senior men.

There is a direct relationship between reduced sexual activity, in men as they get older, and prostate problems.

So, chaps, keep at it.

dont waste your money on Viagra , buy a h2 pencil and two laccy bands , and you can keep going all night

Was this NHS leaflet the brainchild of a younger man who is not up to the job,or not getting enough practise ?

I think they might be trying to kill off the older generation to save on pension payments

nicko: you could be right.

aitch..is that the same jimmy Mcagurrin, i know???is he still alive???we fought years ago on the spare ground top 0 bell green lane.he would know a few travellers stopped on harrisons ground at ince.???

Bloody patronising sods.
Older people do not need instructions on how to have sex or what benefits can be gained -they already know.
Talk about teaching your grandmother how to suck eggs.
This is just another PC non-job by graduates who can't get proper jobs-a self perpetuating group thats becoming well overstaffed.
I suppose it's part of an attempt a appearing non-ageist and we all know thats a laugh.

I-spy - I thought your starter post was a joke, but a Google search soon scotched that theory.

News Story

Each 60-page booklet cost 70 pence to produce.

A Taxpayers’ Alliance spokeswoman said:
"This is an obscene waste of money."

Go for it Wrinklies.

I like Aussieroy's comment,

But I must agree it is a stress reliever,although most of my stress came when I was younger,with the results of my activity.

Nicko said
I think they might be trying to kill off the older generation to save on pension payments

Not a bad way to go though.
Wonder what would be on the headstone. any suggestions

Good question.

Alas poor Willie

Wouldn't let it hang

Read a government leaflet

And went out with a bang.

Viva Viagra ?

Dear Aunty Mabel

Bucked a social trend

Took NHS advice

Bedridden to the end.

You stand here and ponder at my final resting place

But at least I went, with a smile on my face.

Nicko said,
I think they might be trying to kill off the older generation to save on pension payments.

Does abstinence make the heart go longer?

if that's true jo-anne I'll live to be 100 .

Dostaf's writing epitaphs

For randy owd folk's funerals

But if he isn't careful

He'll be using Roman numerals.

I worry Old Age Partners may be arrested for a time of passion.

But would it stand up in court?

Aitch and Dennised I thought the Body Stocking had cured you, instead of Viagra

Would it stand up in court?

Evidently.

Counting to ten helps.

I

II

III

IV

etc.

I was recommended Viagra once. I said can you get it over the counter?. They said it depends how much you take.

Having too many of these can have the counter effect.

I was going to post a pic. But I'll call it quoits.

elizabeth - my first introduction to body stockings was when I was 16 years of age.
My girlfriend and I were errrrr ummmmm 'having it off' in the corner of a field of corn one sunday afternoon.
I asked her "why do your toes bend up and down when we make love" she told me that if I would give her time to take her body stocking and tights off first, that wouldn't happen

Mem are given Viagra routinely on long overnight ferrys. It stops them falling out of the bunk

Gives another meaning to Roll-On-Roll-Off.

Anyone for quoits on the deck?

any beer in that pump

Hallo sailor to you an all.

Link

Being a badge holder doesn't get you free entry.

holer???

I'll nip back.

ze mind boggles

Pedants.

better than walkigg int street

deary me dostaf

Freudian fancies.

Oooeerrrrr missis

I love a good doughnut every now and again

I wonder if they employ holers at Greggs?

boring job

Workers soon get the drill.

Dead boring.

There's always stiff competition for the position though.

dead stiffLink

Billy,aitch..is that the same jimmy Mcagurrin, i know???is he still alive???we fought years ago on the spare ground top 0 bell green lane.he would know a few travellers stopped on harrisons ground at ince.??? Im sorry its taken so long to reply, but it was the same Jimmy and sadly he passed away a few years ago

Dyb Dyb Dyb

Do they use the toes to make the holes in doughnuts do you reckon???

viagra always reminds of the joke about the woman who took her partner to the docs and asked for half a tablet - so he wouldn't pee on his slippers.

eeeewww

Baden Powell????

Now I'm really confused!

That's a seedy link, Dostaf.

I could do with one of those for the ex at times Joanne!

bulldog even

Lisa.

“In men, sex releases hormones which help strengthen bones and muscles, protect against heart disease.
“For both sexes it is a great stress reliever, induces sleep and is fun.”

Part of that NHS booklet, if that is the case why am I arthritic, got heart disease and cawnt sleep very well.

try stopping for a bit

mache I love your sense of humour

Aitch...

i get encouraged

Howdo aitch.

lisa; when stereotypical boy scouts weren't ♪♫ "riding along on the chest of a brave"♪♫♪♫ in old jokes, they were shouting "dyb dyb dyb" and "dob dob dob".

So a "dyb" could be like a dib.

Hence the dibber.

look like a DVB though sorry it is a Y ive just wiped me eyes

What do you want fer nowt?

Ok Dostaf????? lol!

You're very welcome lisa.

If I can be of further assistance in this matter please feel free to ask.


DVB??

He'll be suggesting it's a Roman 'U' in the middle next.

i didn't hear that

And I only just saw your edit mache.

Of course I will dostaf as always!

tears in eyes laughigg

N before G. When you can see.

Less embarrassing then I before E

daft as brushes and mad as a box o frogs

Err.....correcting spelling dostaf?

naughty naughty dostaf

Just being helpful lisa.

mache nearly dropped a good one on the Police thread earlier.

don't bring the frogs into it

can' spell laughigg

Aye I saw it. Could have been quite "messy" that spelling mistake!

too late !

Has problems with 'ing' words.

Doesn't want to talk about frogs you notice.

All that hopping, croaking and spawning. Could get very Freudian.

not them frogs

I can safely say the French alphabet is applicable with Dostaf's spelling tips.

oui frogs

these?

can't say the word fren*h

"Dostaf's spelling tips"

Thank you jo anne. I'd never be pedantic.

oooooh you big fibber

"Thank you jo anne. I'd never be pedantic"

Of course not flower!

Only in jest danni.

I'm not helping mache with his French letter though,

Link

and why not dostaf?

help for mache

Oh no!!!!!

Don't start on about nits!

It'll be all about xrh and his nit oil next!

They look like a right bunch of Johnny-come-lateleys.

magninficent

How do Dostaf, mi owd butty, ive bin harknin to thi, thas nor altered am glad fot say, Jimmy Mcgurrin,used to have a poem about it It atarted off wi
My days of youth are over
my flame of youth is out
whay used to be my sex appeal
is now my water spout
it used to be amazing
the way it would behave
as early in the morning
it stood and watched me shave
but now that I am older
it fair gives me the blues
to see it only hang there
and watch me clean my shoes

I like that, Aitch.

I think i posted this earlierLink

Mache, re check that link, its about french military defeats, nowt wrong wi that though.:t]

thats what you get when you google french military victories and hit i feel lucky

Point well made, nicho - re' killing off the elderly. There's no doubt to my mind that orthodox sex for the elderly is a stressful business, and undue stress is a killer. However, there are other ways of warding off both undue stress (due to sex) and prostate problems.

One older fella told me, it takes me all night what I used to do all night

as i recall aitch, jimmy used to recite one about "tripe un onions", cant remember the words, but it used to get a laugh.

Not forgetting Jimmy's famous rendition of "Piddlin' Pete".

Billy, piddlin pete was his best un, he even had the actions off.

gone, but not forgetton aitch, wonder if he"s reciting his bits to the angels????

He will certainly be reciting his bits to somebody, but am not sure as to where Billy.

one things for sure aitch...he"l talk his way past the doorman, thats fer sure, given all the members only clubs he talked his way into.

if ever my husband strays. ill be out looking for someone with a sense of humour and plenty patience.lol

A newspaper reporter visited a lady who had reached 100 and had a birthday card from the Queen.
He asked her, if in all your years have you ever been bedridden. She replied yes, and I have also been table ended many a time but there is no need to be personal!

gricer . that is so funny. lol

I asked a Senior Citazen in my local if he ever use a condom when having sex. He said no, as he and his wife did not like the smell of burning rubber!

A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."
The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife yells back to him,


"GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERPANTS"

sydneylass. that is so funny lol

Skid row material.

Hello june.

Reminds me of a story:

An 80 year old couple were out for a walk around some of their favourite romantic places from when they were in the flush of youth. On approaching a particularly memorable spot Agnes said "Bert, do you remember this fence, it's where we first made love. Lets do it again" So Bert and Agnes go for it ten to the dozen up against the fence. Arms and legs everywhere like rabid jackals for twenty solid minutes. Agnes, panting heavily and wheezing says, "My word Bert, last time we did that here you didn't show such enthusiasm and agression! Bert replies, "Last time we were here that bloody fence wasn't electric!!!

Shocking.

Good job it wasnt hydro powered. The bags may have leaked

was it ac or dc. doesnt matter which ...he was obviously turned on. lol