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FRUIT CAKE

1 cup water
1 cup sugar
2 cups dried fruit
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup brown sugar
3 tbls lemon juice
1 cup nuts
1 gallon whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality,take a large bowl,check the whiskey again to make sure it is of the highest quality.Pour one level cup and drink, repeat. Turn on the electric mixer beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl,add 1 tsp sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer,break two legs and add to the bowl,chuck in a cup of dried fruit,mix on the turner. If the mixture gets stuck in the beater pry it loose with a drewscriber. Sample the whiskey for tonsisticity. Next sift 2 cups of salt or something who cares. Check the whiskey,now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts,add one table.One Spoon, or sugar or something,whatever you can find. Grease the oven turn the cake tin 350 degrees. Dont forget to beat off the turner. Throw the bowl out of the window,check the whiskey again. Go to bed. Who likes fruitcake anyway.