Joined: 07 Jul 2009
|Posted: Tue May 19, 2015 6:54 pm Post subject: More lilt of Irish laughter
O'Shea went into the jewellery shop and asked the assistant if he could see some engagement rings.
"What sort of setting had you in mind?" asked the assistant.
"Well," O'Shea replied, "probably her living room."
Didn't get the job
Interviewer. "You've come about the night watchman's post? Do you think you have the ability for the job?"
Paddy ".Yes, guaranteed. The slightest sound always wakes me up."
"There's something knocking here in this car," said the learner driver.
"Nothing to worry about," said the driving instructor. "It's just my knees."
With a plate in her hand and a puzzled look on her face, the waitress stopped beside a table.
"Are you the boiled cod?" she asked impatiently.
"No," the customer replied, "I'm the hungry sole, with an empty plaice, hoping for something to fillit!"
A rather amusing story is told of an elderly couple who were very set in their ways. On Sunday they invariably went to church, Monday was wash day, Tuesday was baking day, Wednesday was market day, Thursday was cleaning day, Friday was shopping day and Saturday was bath night.
One year they went to the seaside for a holiday, staying from Sunday until Saturday morning in a good hotel with their own en suite bathroom.
When they returned a friend asked them " Did you enjoy your holiday?"
"Oh yes," they replied, "and if only we'd stayed until Saturday night we could have had a bath."
A couple were discussing a wedding present, a silver butter dish, and were about to send it off.
"What shall we put on the card?" asked the wife.
"Oh" the husband replied, "just the usual good wishes. Anything you like".
A few minutes pass and then she hands him the card. On it was written, " For butter - or worse."
All in the Mind
A lady went to visit a friend and carried a small box with holes punched in the top.
"What's in your box?" asked the friend.
"A cat," said the lady, "You see I've been dreaming about mice at night and I'm scared, this cat is to catch them."
"But the mice are only imaginary," said the friend.
"So is the cat," whispered the lady.