Handbags   (The sad, the bad and the ugly. Non-productive stuff here.)

GIRL:

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet. She was clever, funny, flirty and sexy, so I suggested we meet up.

She turned out to be an undercover detective.

How cool is that at her age?!


DOG:
My dog always barks when there's someone at the door.

I don't know why, as it's never anyone for him.

PULLING:
A girl was 'fondling me' the other day when she looked up and said, "My God, you've got an enormous penis!"

"You're pulling my leg!"

FIRETRUCK:
Ok, so my neighbours officially hate me. Me and a few mates were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were roasting marshmallows and stuff when suddenly we hear sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us. So we all went running to see what was up, and our neighbour's house was on fire!
Well, when we got there, the wife was crying into her husbands arms, and we were just kinda standing there, and then she saw us, and then like for 10 seconds, gave us the dirtiest look ever..
Turns out, we were still holding our sticks with marshmallows on it, watching the fire....

Talk about bad timing...