General   (General discussion, talk about anything.)

Blackadder II 'Money'

Bishop: (to Edmund) And, as for you, you come with me.

Edmund: (stands) Where?

Bishop: To visit the last poor fool who (draws his sword) LOST HIS WALLET!
(hits Edmund's bare buttocks with sword; Edmund runs out)


[at graveyard; a mad beggar is dancing around (the same one whom
Edmund chases in the final credits of each episode).]

Edmund: (reading over a tombstone) "William Greeves: born 1513 in Chelshood
with the love of Christ; died 1563 in ... agony with a spike up his
bottom."

Beggar: (comes behind Edmund) Ah! 'Tis ever (in sown uncle?) with the Black
Monks! (fondles the tombstone) Oh! Screamed, did he -- scream and
gurgle as they skewered his catflap for once of a farthing!

Bishop: I think you get my message.

Edmund: (stands; the beggar grabs onto his leg; he tries to shake him off as
he speaks) Erm, yes, yes indeed. But, tell me, Bishop, let me just
test the water here, so to speak. Erm, supposing I was to say to you
something like, "I'm a close friend of the Queen's, and I think she'd
be very interested to hear about you and Mollie and the wimple, so
why don't we just call it quits, eh, Fatso?"

Bishop: I would say, firstly, "The Queen would not believe you," and,
secondly, (draws a hot poker) "You'll regret calling me `Fatso',
later today!"

Edmund: Ah.

Bishop: I will have my money by Evensong tonight or ...
YOUR BOTTOM WILL WISH IT HAD NEVER BEEN BORN!!! (exits)