General   (General discussion, talk about anything.)

Circus ringmaster goes up to a clown and breaks the bad news that the liontamer has been eaten by one of his star exhibits.

He goes on to say that the clown has drawn the short straw, and must fill the liontamers boots, so to speak, for that evening's show.

This wipes the smile off the clown's face!

"I can't do lions" he says, "don't even like cats".

"Nonesense, there's nowt to it" says ringmaster "it's all a put-on, these animals have all been hand reared, they growl a bit, but it's only showbiz"

"Here's the act:- The lions enter the cage and act up a bit, all you have to do is wave the chair at them and they behave."
"Oh yes" says the clown. "but they don't know me".

"No problem, if that fails crack the whip, that'l show em". Replies ringmaster.

"Easy for you to say" says clown, unconvinced.

"Look, if you're not sure, use whip and chair together." says the boss.

"Oh aye, and what if they get nasty, like they just did with t'other mon?" argues the clown.

"Look here" says ringo, "I shouldn't really tell you this, as it is an old circus secret. But if all else fails, bend down, pick up a handful of s**t and throw it at them. They hate it and will back off. I'ts the liontamers failsafe, sort of a safety net if you like."

"Aaah" says the clown "but what if there is no s**t on the floor?"

"TRUST ME SUNSHINE, THERE WILL BE!"

Replied the voice of experience.