Some German jokes.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
The police. I’m afraid there’s been an accident. Your husband is in
hospital.

A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly
low self-esteem.

What do you call a cat with no tail?
A Manx cat.

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their
appearance has a degree of gravitas.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed.

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: ‘Last night I saw lots of strange men
coming in and out of your wife’s house.’
The other man replies: ‘Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her
drug habit.’

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out
and runs away.
One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell
pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.

Are you suggesting that our one time aggressive european neighbours are bereft of a sense of humour?

Me, Sir?....Why no...... Well...Erm....Hmmm

At least they're funnier than Lenny Henry's stuff.

Reminded me of Bernard Right-on.


Google time.

Bernard Righton AKA John Thompson.

Excellent, some laugh out loud tackle there!

Hey I got virgin eyes.

Hello
Hallo

Good day
Guten Tag / Morgen

Good evening
Guten Abend

Good night
Gute Nacht

Hi
Hi / Tag

Good bye
Auf Wiedersehen

Bye
Tschüß

See you soon
Bis bald

Yes
Ja

No
Nein

That depends
Das kommt darauf an

I don't know
Ich weiß nicht

I don't think so
Das glaube ich nicht

I suppose so
Ich nehme an

I think so
Ich glaube schon

It doesn't matter
Es macht nichts

I don't mind
Es ist mir egal / gleich

Of course
Natürlich

True
Richtig / Das ist wahr

With pleasure
Mit Vergnügen

Where?
Wo?

When?
Wann?

Why?
Warum?

What?
Was?

Who?
Wer?

How?
Wie?

How much/many?
Wieviel / Wie viele?

Is/are there?
Gibt es?

"Very interesting...but stupid!

Vorsprung durch Slapstick!

what does that mean?

Progress through slapstick Erin.