Gannex And Gaberdine

Fancy an alternative night out folks?

Rubbery Jubbery

"New thread".

I may attend, wearing a pump and a welly.

That's pump as in half a pair of plimsolls. Not a mechanical device.

awwwww, go on!

That Ann Summers has a lot to answer for!

Have you got a licence for selling nit oil xrh?

You could clean up down there.

That's "down there" as in the club.

I can't answer that mester, not without adding roman numerals to my name.

But it did involve going do..... no I can't.

I'm thinking of stretching a marigold glove over me yed.

Not in a pervy suffocating way. More like a fashionable cockscomb hat type of affair.

Any tips?

You'll be opening a Shaolin Temple in't back room next!

Oh aye. One hand clapping and all that.

Int rubber doins good for celulite....and sweating off the pounds... wonder if ther tekin on....

I wouldn't know what "rubber doins" is good or bad for sue.

good for removing pencil errors

Ahh

I've been thinking of them rubber doins what stop your tellies and stuff sliding about.

try 6" nails

Hang on a minute mache, I'm struggling with me marigold as it is.

wouldent like to scratch me bits first thing in a morning with them

Aye and there'd be less thumbs up too.

ewwwwwwwwww .... not keen on that nail varnish.... its a bit purple

think of colour of bits first

you got purple bits mache.... get a good pan scrubber and some VIM.... that should get rid of the purple for ya... you could stand in for Jonny Hot Rocks then [he's a male stripper by the way...OR sooooooo i've been told

"get a good pan scrubber and some VIM.... "

What's the going rate for a decent scullery maid these days?

more than a job at a car plant

This un favvers handy with a chicken.

has she had her nails cut then

Oh yes. Well you wouldnt want your poultry scratching would you?

entrance is free to the public pending application to the guest list.

I bet you'd crow if you were part of the crowd allowed in, Dostaf.

For all you know I could be an exhibit missus.

nice cock

Indeed mache.

did you get a standing ovation

That's a cracking question, Mache.

Got to go now the wardens have found me again

Standing Ovation

But, Dostaf ... where's the gannex?

Wigan's Ovation

Never mind the gannex jo anne. I've made a titular booby.

It's Gabardene, not Gaberdine.

Never mind mester, JCC got it wrong too......

GABERDINE ANGUS

Gaberdine Angus at the magazine rack
views the situation from the front to the back
nobody's looking for the man with the mac
stick it right back in the stack jack


Gaberdine Angus had a mean trick
had a mean wang - made women sick
here's one now - go on act the goat
Gaberdine Angus - open your coat

Why waste words - risk resistance
when you can climax from a distance
shock tactics - designed to stun
Gaberdine Angus - it isn't done

She don't run - she don't scream
your pink extremity has gone unseen
she doesn't give the usual nervous cough
so zip up Angus - then zip off.

xrh ya plantpot

You could be bard for Gaberdine Angus, Xrh - that'd be too berd.

You mean XRH59 II.

Ready reckoner

Could be useful!

Never mind the gannex, he says.

I'd already found out about it, as you should expect.

Once, Chairman Mao, Presidents Khrushchev and Johnson, the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh all joined Harold Wilson in wearing a Kagan Gannex, that clever mingling of bobbly nylon and tartan wool. Even the royal corgis were photographed in Gannex.
.. the last Gannex was manufactured at Kagan Textiles, in Elland, Yorkshire, only last May (1994). There are now just a few hundred left, available from the factory or from retailers in Peebles, Edinburgh or Pitlochry, small bastions of taste. Can no one come forward to relaunch the Gannex into our dreary sea of anoraks and urban gamekeeper outfits?

I found this interestingly named site.

I say interesting, because I was told that green shoes and a rusty zip were the uniform af a serious boozer.

One shall be suitably late to the
Posh do

Had me going there for a moment gwim.

I was expecting Beckham's missus.

She has you all of a quiver eh!

Not really gwim. I don't care to look at Mrs Spice even with a balaclava on.

That's to say a balaclava on her yed not mine.

Was thinking, 'but you can still see through the hole in the balaclava'.

Yes.

And hear.

in Stereo...hear hear!

The ear holes in that 'prop' were Ronnie Barker's idea apparently.

A Genius...was going to add the word,'comedy'' there, but he would have been brilliant even as a straight actor.

Hear hear.

I never did find out how it went.

Fetish Rocks, which is due to hit Stilletos lap dancing bar in King Street, Wigan, on August 6, claims to be a celebration of diversity.

Bays and grils got it wrong again.

King Street West.

It went.

Superfluous t, Mac.

Was it any good?

They didn't half complain when I put a tenner in one girls thong. It was in two pence pieces.

Tenner? I donated a tanner to the clothing fund.