Joke

After everyone on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God appeared and said

"I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for those who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."


Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 1000 km long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves;I created you to be the head of your household. You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose. Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here"

Cordy

So cute cordy

Went to the doctor.

He told me I was paranoid.....

Well - he didn't actually say it out loud - but I knew he was thinking it.

I accidentally filled my blow up doll with helium today, now she,s playing hard to get

Back from his skiing holiday, my mate wheeled himself into the pub with both legs in plaster.

"Christ almighty!" I said. "That must have been one hell of a fall"

"What fall?" he replied

"I paid for the trip with a loan from Wonga"

A Scotsman walks into a pub...

Usually there's an Englishman, a Welshman & an Irishman with him -- but they're re all in France for the Euros.

Ha ha, keep 'em coming cordy

The Scotsman one is excellent Cordy.

My wife is wearing one of those skirts where you can just see the edge of her bum poking out, I'd probably find it really sexy if the skirt wasn't knee length

Staff

Cordy though that looks like a goat to me

I say Hodgson for PM. He got us out of Europe in 16 days.

Nasty incident in the Nestle's factory the other day.

A pallet load of chocolate bars fell 50 feet onto a man walking past.

He tried calling for help, but every time he shouted

"The Milky Bars are on me"

Everyone cheered....

l was doing some ancestry searching and discovered that my great Grandad was killed during the Battle of 'THE LITTLE BIGHORN' (Custer's Last Stand')

I checked with the American Embassy and they could not have been more helpful.

They told me that there was indeed a William Abraham Jones who was slain during the Battle.

They went on to say that he wasn't a member of Custer's 7th Cavalry, but that he was camped in the next field and went over to complain about the noise. 😂

An man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he
comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.

He proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he
asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk shouts "Yes, I am"

So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus!"

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, brother?"

The drunk answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus!"

By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk
again -- but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when
he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water,
catches his breath, and says to the preacher

"Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

A woman with only half a cup needs a smaller bra,

A woman with only half a cup needs a smaller bra,