Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked,



"How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"



80% held up their hands.




The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man,



an avid golfer named Jack Symes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.




"Mr. Symes, it's obviously not a good morning for golf. It's good to see you here today.



Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"




"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.




"Mr Symes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"





"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.




"Oh, Mr. Symes, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person



can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?"




The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit,

turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply,





"I outlived the barstwards."

In just two days from now i will be yesterday.

I was today, yesterday.
Nice one, Cindy.

Another good one Cindy.

Thanks, Cindy.

So his life's aim was a hole in one, rather than a holy one?

My mate bought a seven foot python at his local pet shop.

He got it real cheap as they're not supposed to have feet at all.


I hate those people that use really long words to try and make themselves look perpendicular.


If binge drinking destroys your memory...

Then what does binge drinking do?