Random Good Tip Thread.

If a first you don't succeed, sky-diving is not for you.

Tell that to Robbie Burns.

If at first you don't succeed, pay some other bugger to do it.

Don't put sticky tape in hairy places.

Don't climb the ladder to success.

Never trust a f@rt.

Lumpy underpants

That's what Dostaf used to be called at school.

The early bird gets the worm but the 2nd mouse gets the cheese.

Don't hide your dinner money in your knickers.

You get called names.

Horse whisperers. Speak louder. This will enable the animals to hear you more clearly, thus speeding up training times.

If everything seems to be going well you've overlooked something.

Convince your wife/partner (mother) that she's 'soiled herself' during the night by slipping a chocolate button between the cheeks of her bottomas she sleeps. Watch the hilarity ensue.

Eughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Imagine what you could do with a 'waffer-thin mint'?

January explanation, please - Robbie Burns?

'If everything seems to be going well you've overlooked something.'

Confuse shopkeepers by buying a sheet of wrapping paper and asking them to wrap it.

dont shave the hairs on your arse!

Bugger.

The 25th will soon be upon us.

I meant The Bruce

Thank you for bringing my shortcoming to light, Jo Anne.

Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.

It's my shortcoming, Dostaf - The Bruce?

Don't be afraid to ask questions - others may not know either and won't ask.

Ask Wiki about spiders in caves.

I looked elsewhere on the web.

Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand closer to the object you wish to view.

Convince bar staff that your pint is off by sticking your finger up your bum before holding the glass close to their nose.

PS. Don't do it if you are at a buffet!

Never Make Eye Contact While Eating a Banana

EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

If at first you don't succeed, try her sister.

TIGHT-ARSED blokes: Only date girls called Natalie, Carol, Holly or Eve. Chances are their birthday is around Christmas and you won't have to shell out for a present until then, by which time they will have chucked you.